no, he came in my armpit
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
