sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
