i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize