dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
