Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
