Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
