I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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