Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
