I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
