dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
