i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
