i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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