It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
