she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
