***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
