shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize