Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
