I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
