I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
