Where did you get a picture of my penis
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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