hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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