tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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