My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
