It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
