Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
