Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
