I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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