Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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