i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
