So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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