Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
