I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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