Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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