i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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