Soap is not a condiment
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
