**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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