Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
