I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
