Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
