I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm like, not good at living.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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