I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
