If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
