There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
