I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
