9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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