remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
