that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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