She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
