But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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