i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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