Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
