I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
