I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
