i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
