Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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