Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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