I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
