How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
