When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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